Liar
by Kitty le Fay
Summary: Edwin was a very good liar, but the only one he could never fool was himself. Edwin/Morgana. Slightly AU.


**AN: Hello, everyone and welcome to my very first Merlin fic! **

**Now, before I begin, I know what you're thinking: Edwin and Morgana? What the French Toast is she thinking? I'll tell you. For starters, anyone who knows me would know that I'm a total sucker for the Beauty and the Beast type of stories, being my favorite story and all, and Edwin and Morgana really strike me as a sort of Quasimodo/Esmeralda type of relationship. Also, as crack-filled as it may be, it's actually the only straight pairing that I would actually care about in Merlin and it's the only ship involving Morgana that makes sense to me: they've both suffered at Uther's hand, they share their political views and they seem to share a similar technique in getting at their enemies by lying to them and earning their trust so that they'd be close enough to them to kill. I think Edwin and Morgana would have made a badass team, but sadly, Merlin had to ruin it. I actually felt really sorry for Edwin and I always wondered what would become of the conflicts if he had another reason to stay in Camelot. **

**So, that's why I wrote this. It's set after the episode A Remedy to Cure All Ills as a sort of "What if...?" story asking: What if Edwin kept his position as court physician? I guess you could say it's slightly AU 'cause neither Gaius or Merlin take place and in canon, I think both Edwin and Morgana are more dedicated to their plans to whoop Uther's royal ass than relationships. I hope you enjoy it and feedback is always appreciated. **

**I do not own Merlin! If I did, A: I wouldn't be here in the first place, B: Edwin would still be alive and C: This plot would have actually taken place in the show.**

**Enjoy!**

**Liar**

Edwin was a very good liar. He could say anything. He could say that he was the bastard son of a lion and a horse and people would believe him. It was all a trick of twisting the truth, really, but he had a skill for it like no one else. It _did_, after all, allow him into Camelot and earn the trust of Uther Pendragon and there he was, curing his ward, the Lady Morgana, of the illness he'd given her with the help of one of this precious beetles.

Before he came to Camelot, he had heard knights, bards and servants speak poetic words from of the Lady Morgana's unearthly beauty, but he never expected her to be quite so stunning. When he was treating her, he was as delicate to her as the lilies he had given her, afraid that his touch would break her.

He suddenly hated himself even more for doing this to her. She had done nothing and yet he'd given this illness to her just to get close enough to Uther to kill him.

"Forgive me," he murmured, gingerly stroking her pale cheek. He knew it was useless to say or do so, but for now it was the least he could do.

Time progressed after she had awoken and as a reward, Uther had offered Edwin a place to stay a while until Morgana had fully recovered. Every day, Edwin would nurse her back to health and every day, she grew even more beautiful than the last. It became distracting once he remembered why he was here in the first place, but for those moments he didn't care. Morgana always had something interesting to say and wasn't afraid to say any of it. He enjoyed her wicked sense of humor and he admired her passion for politics. She would make a great queen someday, Edwin was sure. He grew to like the lady's company and hoped to the Gods that she liked his too.

In time, Morgana was fully recovered and Edwin had to get back to work, but he could never stop himself from looking out the window when he heard her melodious laughter. She would be tending to her horse, walking with her maidservant or helping the poor. He would try his hardest to turn back to work, but he felt he wasn't a complete man if he didn't even once look on her face. She was beautiful, there was no doubting that, but there was an inner beauty that caused everyone who had laid eyes on her to fall in love with her.

Edwin finally admitted to himself that he had too fallen in love with the Lady Morgana.

But Uther had to go. He would not let a pretty lady distract him from what he'd dedicated so many years to. This caused Edwin to spend more of his time planning Uther's demise than spending it with Morgana. She would often try to seek comfort with him, for she did in fact seem to like Edwin. However, Edwin soon grew frightened of Morgana. He was never so frightened by anyone, but he knew so very little about women and relationships with them, as he'd spent more of his life devoted to his studies than wasting it on pleasure.

She had always called him a "friend," so naturally she would never see him as a lover and why would she? She was Beauty itself. The very word was invented for her, Edwin was sure. She was a Goddess when Edwin was little more than a gargoyle, not even worthy to touch her. Uther would have his head on a plate if he knew that his physician was in love with his ward and Morgana would probably laugh, as the vultures would feed on his remains.

Thus, he turned to trusting his ability to lie, once again. He gained the habit of acting as though he simply didn't care. He would avoid her company and conversation; he would imagine her repulsive when he looked at her, he'd even avoid her eye as if she were the Medusa.

"I don't love you," he recited. "I don't want you. I don't obsess over you. I don't worship you in secret. I don't envy whoever gets the chance to touch you. I don't write endless poetry about you. I don't dream of you at night and wish to wake up with you by my side."

Edwin was a very good liar, but the only one he could never fool was himself.

His technique seemed to work. It hurt more, but he continued to remind himself that it was better this way. Sometimes he did wish for Uther to take his head and rid him of emotions like these, but then reminded himself of what Uther had already done. He'd taken his parents. He would not take him.

Still, Edwin devoted his time to his studies rather than Morgana, hoping it would rid him of his feelings, but he hadn't expected the day to come when she would storm into his study.

Edwin bowed, but saw fire in her eyes when he looked on him. She was fuming. Edwin was aware of Morgana's temper, for he'd seen it shoot at Uther before, but he had never seen her so angry with_ him_ before.

"Why don't you look me in the eye?" she scolded.

For the first time in ages, Edwin was speechless. What could he say? "I don't know what you mean, milady."

"Don't you play the innocent with _me_, Edwin Muirden," she shot. "You know exactly what I mean. When you arrived here, you were so good to me. You listened to me. You spoke to me as an equal. Now that I am better, you look at me as though I am a monster. You never speak to me. You don't even look me in the eye when you offer me my elixir for my nightmares. Why? You saved my life. I've never been more grateful for anything more than that. What have I done to make you hate me so much?"

Edwin closed his eyes as Morgana rambled on. He had no other choice but to show his true self and he hated that. He hated anyone knowing his true self. Now he was cornered and forced himself to gather up enough courage to speak and he took the opportunity to use that courage before another second passed by and he'd lose it.

"I love you."

It was the first time in years since he'd ever been honest with anyone. He felt as though he'd taken the first breath from nearly drowning.

When Edwin finally opened his eyes, he saw that Morgana's jaw had dropped to the ground and her eyes were as wide as two great moons. She was speechless, for once, and took a moment to struggle on what to say. Edwin could see all the questions stirring in her mind, but waited for whichever of them she would ask first. Instead, she walked away and left Edwin alone and humiliated.

She hated him, he was certain. He knew it was inevitable, but it didn't hurt any less to know how much she hated him. She didn't speak to him for the next three days. She didn't even look him in the eye. She wouldn't even ask for a new elixir for her nightmares, which caused her to suffer greatly from them. The screaming at night was unbearable. It was a long and dull three days that had passed and stole Edwin's ability to even concentrate on his studies. All he could think about was the look of horror when he told her he loved her.

Time and again, he thought it best to just leave. It killed him to know that the woman he loved hated him this much and that he had to live under the same roof. Killing Uther would be of no use anymore and even if he had done so, what would become of it? Would it bring his parents back? Would he have rule over Camelot by Morgana's side? What would become of…anything?

One evening, a banquet was being held. Edwin had never hated any banquet any more. Morgana, as usual, looked stunning and flashed a glowing smile at the knight who was escorting her. Edwin was sure that she was mocking him when she laughed at the knight's feeble jokes. He wanted to run a thousand beetles into that knight's brain and laugh to see him die alone, but instead he kept calm, watched the two sit together and imagined the knight's wine was poisoned. It was all he could do.

By the end of the banquet, Morgana excused herself and insisted she leave on her own when the knight offered his guidance. Edwin felt his heart racing until he could barely breathe anymore when Morgana was walking towards him. For the first time in what felt like years, she was looking him in the eye and she did not break any contact. She did not even blink. She quickly passed by him and said: "Thank you, Edwin."

Edwin tried to ask her what she was thanking him for, but she soon walked away without looking back for even a second. He felt a weight in his hand and looked down to find a bottle of the last elixir she'd given him and there was a note inside it. Edwin, later, excused himself and departed to his chambers to open, refusing to read it in front of anyone who would suspect him. When he opened it, he could not believe what it said:

_Meet me in the catacombs tonight at midnight._

_Be sure that no one sees you going there._

_Morgana._

Edwin wasn't sure what to expect of this meeting, but he waited until midnight as she'd asked and met her deep in the catacombs underneath the kingdom. He followed the flickering firelight to where she waited for him. He didn't know what to say when he saw her. What could he say? That she was beautiful? Because he was quite sure she already knew that.

But Morgana spoke first.

"Did you really mean it?" she asked. "When you said you loved me?"

Edwin took a deep breath. It took all of his strength to look her in the eye, regardless of the dear he'd felt when he had confessed to her.

"Yes…more than I've ever meant anything."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know how. You see, I've never loved anyone this way before and I've never known how to woo them the way that knight at the banquet was trying to woo you. I thought it would be best if you never knew how I felt."

"Why?"

"Because I knew that Uther would see me burned if he knew how I felt about you and I knew how much you would hate me for it."

Edwin's eyes never left Morgana's, which were now flooded with tears. It was a simple gesture, but it meant so much to him to be able to look into her pale green eyes for that long. Of all the times he avoided them, he never took the time to appreciate their power. Mostly, he was afraid of them, fearful they would look into his own eyes and see every last sin and secret he ever had, but now he'd never felt closer to anyone. There were no more secrets he had to hide from her.

Edwin felt his heart leap and butterflies rage in his stomach when he felt Morgana's hand at his twisted cheek. His body stiffened as she came nearer towards him and he began to shake, but froze stiff when her lips met his.

"I've always loved you, Edwin," Morgana said. "I just don't think I realized it until now."

Edwin couldn't believe what he was hearing or what had just happened. He'd never known a lover's kiss and he certainly never thought he'd feel one, let alone hear a woman say that she loved him and yet here he was, alone in the catacombs of Camelot with the most beautiful woman in Albion in his arms.

"I-I…I thought you hated me," he stuttered like an idiot, but Morgana only smiled and kissed him again.

"Perhaps I'm a better liar than you are."


End file.
